Riders everywhere are bundling up in heavy coats, woolen scarves, insulated boots, mittens, long underwear, ski masks, and whatever else falls out of the closet.

But there are always a few riders who feel a little silly about going out on the trail dressed up in layers of winter garb:

"Bill, I feel a little silly wearing all this stuff."

"I feel kind of funny too, Jim. Why is that?"

"I don’t know, maybe it has something to do with the fact that we live in Florida, and it’s 80 degrees in the shade."

"Yeah, we should at least take the ear muffs off the horses."

Horses are actually cold-weather animals. So don’t feel sorry for them. To be sure, no mammal on earth appreciates the freezing-precipitation-with-wind combo. But if it’s just the vanilla sort of cold, they love it.

Save your sympathy for yourself and your fellow riders. Yes, you know how to stay warm in the bitter cold, but — and I’m trying to put this delicately — you look ridiculous. It’s a cruel reality, but the quest for warmth and comfort obliterates all trace of fashion. Winter riders do not look cool.

A Statement of Sorts

In a way, the absence of fashion in winter riding is a good thing. Everybody looks fat while wearing several layers of clothing. This makes a group trail ride in midwinter look like a Michelin Man cavalry patrol. In the frosty cold of the Great White North, everyone waddles around as equals.

Looking good becomes an issue only in moderately cold temperatures. When the mercury shoots up into the 40 to 60 degree range, the fashion monster raises its ugly head. It’s here where the demands of survival give way to the dictates of outerwear style.

Fashion is all about making a personal statement. Gender plays a significant role in determining what statement one wishes to make. For male riders, the primary statement is this: "I don’t care." Obviously, they need help.

Unfortunately, their wives, girlfriends, mothers, and daughters are often busy horsewomen, and don’t have time to direct the males in their wardrobe choices beyond, "At least zip your pants before we leave the house." Women can be so demanding.

Play it Right

Women’s attitude toward cold-weather fashion is a bit more complex. Horsewomen in general, and female trail riders in particular, are an independent, practical-minded bunch. They’ll tell you that they prefer simple attire — you know, barn clothes — because who has time for all that nonsense anyway?

Besides, a true horsewoman’s fashion budget is devoted almost exclusively to her significant other — her horse. She’ll tell you that fashion isn’t a personal concern.

That’s what she’ll tell you.

The reality is that fashion is important to some women all of the time and to all women some of the time. This, of course, includes cold-weather riding fashion. If this weren’t true, then the Outback Trading Company or Devon-Aire wouldn’t bother putting out catalogs. Everyone agrees that those oilskin dusters and thermal-fleece vests are attractive and perfect for moderately cold temperatures.

But guys won’t admit to actually buying this stuff. Husbands and dads and boyfriends are inclined to hide apparel catalogs under a stack of unread horse-show magazines.

But don’t hassle the females if you catch them ordering stuff. For one thing, they’ve probably been doing it for years and you didn’t know it. Some of the stuff you’re wearing right at this moment is probably the result of their shopping.

And your wife could wear her straight-off-the-Outback duster for years before you’d notice anything different: "Honey, there’s something different about you. Did you get your hair done?"

If you play it right, your wife might order you a duster, too. It’ll help

hide your beer gut. Fashion can be practical.

Bob Goddard is a freelance writer specializing in equine humor. He lives in Ravenna, Michigan, with his wife, Jenny, and two very naughty dogs, Jessie and Elvis.

To contact him, send an e-mail to bobgoddard@verizon.net.