But often company doesn’t get it. Some people think they’re helping, piling plates on top of each other in the sink or trying to pack away food despite my saying, “Let me get that.” They disregard me, saying, “I’ll just do these dishes...” It’s all I can do to avoid yelling, “NO YOU WON'T!”

Don’t get me wrong. I love having company, but I like for them to stay safely at the table in the other room while I’m trying to get my thoughts together and make sure I don’t forget the rolls in the oven. I don’t want to be dishing up dessert while avoiding a caravan of ladies clearing the table. And when I’m sitting down, sipping coffee and visiting, I don’t want other people jumping up to “help me” in my kitchen. I’ve worked hard to earn time to sit with my guests, and I want them to sit there enjoying the time with me, too. I truly appreciate the offer of help, but I also appreciate it when someone respects my answer.

“What does this have to do with horses?” you might ask. Well, people who are hard wired with that helpful gene I’ve described approach their horses with the same mindless motion. Instead of letting a horse stand quietly, they fuss with him, teaching him to be in their space at all times. Instead of tightening the cinch once, they check it a zillion times, adjusting it each time. Meanwhile, they’re talking non-stop and not really paying attention to what they’re doing. They do the same in the saddle, fussing with reins and making random movements that accompany their chatter.

I’m not suggesting that people have to be on duty every time they’re with their horse or they can’t smooch with him. But when the rider is so busy petting or talking that they’re not able to clearly communicate to the horse what they want, they teach the horse to tune them out. Then, when the horse disregards the rider, the rider usually takes it personally, not realizing what’s going on.

Those people who insist on helping with the dishes don’t intend to be rude or run over me. They’re just so set in their pattern they don’t take in my answer, or take me seriously. They do the same thing when asking a trainer a question, all the while petting their horse and explaining what happened the last time they tried to do this or that.
 
If you find yourself someplace in the above picture, the solution is to pause, and to be intentional in what you do. If you want to help, listen to what the person you’re offering to help is saying. Ask yourself if you are moving just because you want to move, or do you really want to help. When you’re with your horse, be intentional in your communication. You probably don’t realize that you’re talking non-stop with your body language.

In a recent lunch get together, I laughingly told a friend to “take a breath.” We all had a good chuckle, as she was having a grand old time chatting away, not realizing that everyone was waiting for her so we could begin eating. Next time you find yourself on auto-pilot, stuck in perpetual motion, take a breath. Then smile. Now you can be of real help to yourself, your host, or your horse.

Mike did a cool exercise. He brought in three riders on three horses (not their own), and he asked them to walk, trot, and lope for a few minutes. Then he asked the audience to pick out the horse that was respectful, the one that was disrespectful, and the one that was un-respectful. This wasn't an exercise in rhetoric, but a way of expressing how important respect is, as he describes it. We saw one compliant horse, one grouchy, ears-back horse, and one greenie.

He said that horses are born respectful, but fearful. Our job is to turn fearful respect into trusting respect. That trusting respect starts at an early age. And he demonstrated how he asked a weanling to move away and to stay "out of his space." He says that too many owners treat their horses as if they were puppies, creating a familiarity that turns to disrespect. He talked about how many horses end up at slaughter because they didn't learn to be respectful when they were young. His goal is to turn that around - to help people to treat their horses with respect and teach the horses to treat people with respect. Good demo.

The highlight of the day for me was watching the opening ceremony. A young woman carrying a flag entered the arena on her horse. But it wasn't a smooth entrance. There was a metal bar, a header over the in gate. Kory had been told to point the flag back and down as she went through the gate, which she did. But the top of the flagpole caught on the header anyway, causing her horse to jump as he realized that they were snagged. She quietly handled the situation as she settled her horse, and they went on into the arena.

But in the process, the flagpole had been knocked out of her hand, though its base was still in the stirrup holder. Without missing a beat, she had grabbed the corner of the flag itself. If you blinked you'd have missed it and it would take you a moment to realize that there was something wrong with the picture of the horse and rider, standing at attention in their assigned positions inside the arena. The rider wasn't holding the pole but the tail of the flag material itself. Kory's mom quietly walked into the arena and steadied the flag so Kory could take a hold of the flagpole. The ceremony went on.

Kory is part of the South Carolina Equestrian Ministries Drill Team. I talked with some of the members at lunch, and they said that Kory had been trained, "Whatever you do, don't let the flag hit the ground." Of course, anyone who has ever learned flag etiquette knows this well. But to see a 12-year-old put it into practice with such respect and poise made me proud to be an American and proud of her.

Mike Kinsey was right. Respect starts at an early age and serves people and horses their whole life.   Have a great week.

The economy has hit everybody hard, and boarding barns are no exception. I’ve been hearing from a number of owners who are trying to figure out how to best make ends meet or how to fill empty stalls. In response, Doug Emerson (http://www.profitablehorseman.com) and I are putting the finishing touches on a TeleSeminar designed to help boarding-barn owners find their footing. These are difficult times, but all is not gloom and doom, and we’re glad to be able to offer some encouragement. Here are a few helpful tips:

* Remember why you’re doing this in the first place. It’s easy to get caught up with the finances and forget that your original purpose in offering boarding may have been so you could take care of your own horses in your own way, to have other people to ride with, or a safe place where your kids could learn about horses. Keep a positive attitude, and that will help you to focus on solutions, rather than problems.

* Get a handle on the actual costs. When you hear that feed has gone up, what does that mean in dollars? If you don’t know your costs, any mention of a price increase causes fear.

* Don’t strain the relationship with your boarders. If someone left a light on, respectfully ask them to remember to turn it off. Even though customers often become like family, they are your customers, and as with any business, you have to find a customer-friendly way to deal with them.

* Explore if there are some changes in the way you do things that might result in cost savings. Horse people tend to get dogmatic about how deep the shavings have to be, what time this has to happen, what brands they use, and so forth.

I’m not suggesting that you forget about bedding the stalls. Just see if some small change in routine might help. For instance, maybe feeding one hay meal outside would minimize hay loss, since it won’t get trampled into the bedding. Might save stall-cleaning time and result in fewer shavings being thrown out, too. It might not in your situation, but this example can get you thinking.

If your horse is boarded, I’d encourage you to pitch in to help the barn operator make her business work. Yup, you are the customer. But a little encouragement might mean a whole lot.

Whether you keep your horse at home, board at someone else’s barn, or operate a boarding business, if you have any words of wisdom, I’d love to hear them. Sometimes a suggestion that seems inconsequential is just the piece that helps someone else. Have a great week.

Click on the Comments button below, or contact me directly. Go to http://www.inspiredbyhorses.com/workshop.html for TeleSeminar information.